Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
