I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
