She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
