moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
