I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
