We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
