We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
