He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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