woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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