tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
