I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
