She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
worst night to have a conscience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
