thus making me awesome and them whores
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
