just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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