the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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