its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
