He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
