i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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