I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
