Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
they need to just BURY HIM!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
