ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
