I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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