I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
