wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
