Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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