i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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