Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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