im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
