You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize