see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize