I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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