look no pants
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
