I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
