Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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