That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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