Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
