She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
