proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
