i would punch a child for taco bell
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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