My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize