I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
