This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My penis needs a shock collar
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
