Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
