I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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