Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
