Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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