I hate your face
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize