Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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