My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
