Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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