I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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