Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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