you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
