Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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