Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
