i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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