Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize