so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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