her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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