I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
