And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize