My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
