can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize