Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
