So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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