It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
