OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this beer tastes like vomit already
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
