i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
